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Menachem's Writings The House recently passed the Cap and Cup Bill, C.C.B., by a narrow margin. Even though the Democrats have a large majority in the Senate, passage through the upper house is not already assured. All the president's men are operating overtime on the Hill to secure smooth Senate passage. The draft decree was 1,500 pages. There is little doubt that any of our rational representatives read relevant revisions. It is also unlikely that their able assistants also absorb all of it. These underlings dutifully deliver dual paged summaries to their bosses before the vote. Currently the not-final Senate blueprint has burgeoned to 1,800 pages as a result of additional added amendments. Needless to say, no senator will read the legislation, an act assisting passage through their house. A few deals dead in the night, in smoke soaked rooms to close commitment. What does the new legislation bring? This canon concerns cupcake consumption, a longstanding love of our narcissistic nation. The American cupcake love affair has been exported around the world via feasible franchisers flogging comparable cupcakes to comrade countrymen confabulating over coffee. Loads of research has been carried out over the last few years by renowned research facilities. A steady stream of scholarly essays have been published in physiological and psychological periodicals. There now remains no doubt concerning adverse consequences of cupcake consumption on obesity, heart health, headaches and severe strokes. As our paternal preserver and guardian, government notices no option other than to force consumption curtailment of this well loved luxury. It is, after all, all for the national good. From the day the law passes the Senate, each citizen will be permitted to consume a ceiling of twelve cupcakes per day. Each year following implementation of the measures, on the anniversary of the Act's assize, the cupcake ceiling will be cut by one cupcake ... for eight consecutive years. Based on current research, four cupcakes per diem is considered safe for healthy human injection. Built into the law is an option, in the event of more recent research, to extend the cyclical cupcake cutback by a further two years, to just a couple of cupcakes each day. For those, like yours truly, who do not consume, nor fancy even a cupcake crumb, not only will there be no metamorphosis in our lifestyles -- we are to be rewarded by the extraneous edict ... but for our good friends, Moe, Spike, Bentley and of course my nurse, serious snags may ensue. A daily dozen cupcake cap?! Dropping directly downwards, regularly! Moe currently consumes more than a dozen cupcakes in each and every eating event! And he honestly holds that he eats healthily. Fortunately the new measure also incorporates a solution for our corpulent cupcake consuming comrades. Over-users can feed their fetish by purchasing other peoples' not consumed commodities. To ensure enactment enforcement, each citizen is to be afforded cupcake coupons. At each cupcake acquisition, in addition to the cash, cupcake coupons are conferred. I, who does not consume cupcakes, can sell my coupons. The C.C.B. provides a mechanism implement these sales. The edict enjoins the appointment of a Commissioner of Cupcakes to coordinate a Cupcake Commission. In addition to administering the articles of the Act, the commissioner is granted authority to decide, at his sole discretion, to decrease the cupcake ceiling at any time. However, as each new year on the calendar commences, irrespective of the commissioner's actions during previous periods, the cupcake ceiling will continue to be cut by the usual unit. To avoid a black market in cupcake coupon commerce, the commissioner will supervise a cupcake exchange. Fortuitously such an exchange is already alive in Chicago, having been set up prior to the national elections, using 1.1 million dollars in seed money from the Chicago Cook County-based Fondness Foundation. This foundation is governed by Democrat politicians, bankers, bakers, businessmen and the junior senator. Software to run the exchange exists, and will be provided by one of the commercial confederates on an equity footing. Cupcake connoisseurs craving more darling delicacies than now available , may purchase as many extra vouchers they want,though only via the Chicago Cupcake Exchange, the C.C.X., where people like me sell their unwanted and unneeded quota. This is the sole strategy set up for aquiring cupcakes. A continental cupcake constabulary, with wide-reaching powers, will be especially established, enforcing the exchange as the sole ccorporate cupcake trafficker. Sellers of surplus coupons merchandise their irrelevant inventory, using the C.C.X. software, obtainable only on-line on the C.C.X. website. This software system scrubs sellers' certificates, issuing pristine permits to porcine purchasers. The legistlation does not control cupcake coupon commissions. Interestingly it leaves this fee free to be set at the direct discretion of the C.C.X. Analysts assume that this Exchange will be turning over billions of dollars by its second summer of operation. They also anticipate the C.C.X. becoming international within four fiscal years, growing exponentially as more and more foreign finaciers and governments join the party with laws similar to ours. After all, this trade type is generated purely by the legislation.
Menachem Kuchar 12th May, 2010
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